


After

by Isa_in_Snow



Category: Lord John Series - Diana Gabaldon, Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Hector is 18, M/M, Pining, could be underage but theres no explicit content, john is 16, minor angst with a happyish ending, my first fic :))
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29238483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isa_in_Snow/pseuds/Isa_in_Snow
Summary: This takes place after the army finds John tied to a tree by Red Jamie. It goes over what might have happened between him and Hector afterwards.
Relationships: Lord John Grey/Hector
Kudos: 11





	After

The blankets were cold and damp where John was lying outside of camp. The other men wouldn’t let him near them let alone into one of the tents. Things were settling down for the night. The events of the day - being found tied to a tree by Red Jamie - dug a pit of shame in his stomach that made his broken arm seem like a scratch.

What was even worse was his brother's face of disappointment and anger when they found him. The fact that it made him sick to his stomach didn’t stop the scene from replaying in his head. And even that shame was better than imagining what Hector would say. How he would react. _He will come to hate me too once he finds out_. Yet John couldn’t help but wish for his safe arms and strong embrace.

He comes back tonight. That was part of the reason John had gone to bed early. He couldn’t bear to see Hector's face, not yet. 

He’d been so focused on his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the presence at his shoulder. The sound of breathing had him whirling around only to come face to face with Hector. It was hard to make out his face in the gloom but it didn’t look good. Shit. _I am going to lose him._ After what felt like an eternity staring into his unreadable eyes Hector whispered. “Come with me”. John's breath caught hearing Hector's voice after so many weeks. 

Heart beating fast John nodded and began to rise. The sound of feet crunching quietly on the ground followed them into the woods. The walk was quiet, quieter than it had ever been between them. It was unsettling to say the least and left John clenching his hands to stop himself from wringing them.

Once they were out of earshot from the camp Hector paused and turned to him. John wished he could see his face but also feared what he would find. Hector took a steadying breath before stepping closer. 

John too felt like he was in need of a steadying breath, but he didn’t get one before Hector's arms were around him. He barely stopped the sob of relief as he fell into the embrace. They stayed like that for a long time. Long enough for John to feel like he wasn’t falling apart. Long enough for him to start to dread what would happen when they pulled apart. The calm before the storm.

Hector pressed a soft, lingering kiss to his cheek before pulling back. One long breath through his nose and he was gripping John's shoulders while whispering fast and hard. 

“What the _hell_ were you thinking?!” Expected or not the words hit John like a slap.

“There are people who care about you, who love you. Did you-" Hector broke off with a shuddering breath. _Of course he would think about my welfare first._ John noticed the tears in his eyes in a state of stunned silence. Then, _Dear God in heaven he said love. Does that mean?.._

“Think about us next time you risk your life.”

With that last line delivered with a shaking but firm voice Hector spun on his heel and started to walk back towards camp.

It took John a full two seconds to start after him with a panicked _wait_ on his lips. He reached for Hector's arm. Once he caught him though he wasn’t sure what to say or do. His mouth was opening and closing trying to find the words his mind couldn’t make. Dimly he noticed the tears on Hectors cheeks.

“I-I’m sorry” wasn't enough, but it was the truth. 

“Why”

How could he answer that? How could he tell him that he wanted to be the hero? How could he tell him that he wanted to impress him? That he wanted to be seen as more than just a kid. And that most of all, he just wanted this to be over. So they could go home, so they could be together in London. Alone. Together.

“I don’t know” it wasn’t enough either. John couldn’t meet his eyes. Couldn’t see the disappointment, the anger, reflected there. He couldn’t close his ears though, and the responding sigh reached them and made him feel small.

“Just... just don’t do it again, alright?”

He sounded as tired as John felt. John nodded dumbly and this time, when Hector walked away, he let him. 

___

The surgeon was as mad at him as the rest of the men. John didn’t need to be told this, he could tell from the excruciating pain of the surgeon resetting his broken arm for the third time. He was white as a sheet by now but too stubborn to pass out. The surgeon had returned with Hector the night before but had made him wait hours after sunrise to tend to him.

The surgeon was about to set the spilt yet again when Alec came in with a gash that needed stitches. John jerked up when the surgeon jostled his arm on his way to his new patient. The movement caused his eyes to settle on none other than Hector, who had helped carry Alec in. Hector wasn’t looking at him, which was probably for the best but still... it hurt.

The tent was large as tents go but felt stifling. With the surgeon occupied with Alec John was left fidgeting on the bench when Hector turned to leave. Then their eyes finally caught each other. John saw flashes of emotion pass through Hector's eyes. Worry. Sadness. Disappointment. Empathy. Then he gave John a small smile. It wasn’t much, but it felt like the world. It felt like things would be alright.

——-

Two weeks of hell later and things were not alright. He had his punishment and things had more or less settled between him and the men. It had been harsh and they had begrudgingly accepted him back, though that didn’t mean he had entirely forgiven him. 

Hector least of all. He had been there by his side for the pain, the blackouts and the puking with a gentle hand and kind smile. But his eyes weren't in it. They were closed off and unreachable. He was unreachable. And John didn’t know how to fix it. To fix what had been starting to actually be something between them. And now he was scared that he would never get that chance.

————————————————

That chance would come only two days later in the form of a storm. A very cold wet, rainy, storm. One that no man should sleep outside for. One that was causing most men to pair up and huddle up for warmth. For once, John did not want to be most men in this situation. Usually he would leap at the chance to sleep next to Hector, even though lying next to his warm body was a torture of its own kind. This night was bound to be filled with more nerves than even that first night. 

John was laying there, staring at the roof of their small, tent. Their very wet, very cold, very damp small tent that was bloody _theirs_ for the night. His and Hectors. Shivers racked his body. While they had placed their bedrolls next to each other, they weren’t touching. And while John's feelings on the matter of touching Hector were complicated at best and a bloody mess at worst, he really did need the body heat.

Picking at the threads of the bedroll he contemplated just rolling over and curling up next to Hector. He was within only a fingers distance, yet so unreachable. For what he could tell, Hector was on his side, with his back to John. After the second full body shake John rolled over turning his back to Hector curling around his own still hurting broken arm.

Some time later he heard Hector move. He held his breath as he anxiously waited for what was to come next. Moments ticked by without a change. Just when John was about to turn around himself he felt Hector move so he was lightly pressed to Johns back. His breath caught in his throat as Hector's hand came to rest on his shoulder. The touch burned through the layers of fabric where he lay tense.

When the silence was too much to bear John whispered the words that had been eating away at him for weeks. “I’m sorry. And.. Thank you. For being there for me.”

Silence filled the tent. The kind filled with unspoken words. John waited anxiously for Hector to change that. 

“Your welcome.” It was strained but it was something at least. John was satisfied to leave it at that until Hector added “it’s what any friend would do.” John tensed. Friends. There were dozens of people who had held that title in John's life and never before had it felt inadequate, but Hector was different. Friendship paled to what John felt for him. Calling what he felt for Hector friendship seemed to cheapen what it actually was. What he felt was - it was... well John couldn’t say what it actually was. He felt attraction. He felt something else too though, something unnamable.

Still John couldn’t help but challenge Hectors words in an act that was just as stupid as brave - Johns specialty. “And are we? Friends?”

John waited while Hector seemed to struggle for words. Just when John was about to give up on getting an answer and try to get some sleep on this godforsaken land, Hector spoke.

“Yes.” The affirmation of a platonic friendship was contrasted by Hector's lips brushing John's neck and the low, gravely way he spoke to them. John shivered, this time not from the cold. In fact, he felt hot all over.

Heart beating out of his chest he reached for Hectors hand on his shoulder. Tentatively he moved it to his chest and held his breath while lacing their fingers together. John was hyper aware of every move he made and gasped as Hector's lips moved even closer to his neck. John gasped again at the hot breath spilling out of those lips onto his heated flesh.

Slowly Hector kissed the skin of his neck while John fruitlessly tried to take even breaths and slow his heart. John wanted to freeze this moment in time. He couldn’t help but feel that these next moments could forever change their relationship. 

“Goodnight John.” Hector murmured softly. John sighed, not tonight then.

“Goodnight Hector.”


End file.
